How to Be the Shellackee (Part One): Busted

God, this game can be brutal. I haven't put anything up here since my inaugural post. I've been busy playing...and losing. Looks like this blogging enterprise is going to start out with more of the "agony" than the "glory" of the game--but maybe that's appropriate. Let's just say that since not long before the inception of this blog a couple of weeks ago, I have been on the biggest losing streak of my life.

As always for us poker mortals, this has been a combination of bad luck and bad-luck-induced tilt. As a recreational player who nonetheless puts in a lot of table/screen time, I still have not mastered, not nearly, the literally invaluable skill of tiltless poker, of being able to take a string of bad beats while continuing to play smart, sensitive, rational, A-game poker. Part Two of this post will include ruminations about that skill--about the art of losing--about why downswings are maybe the most important test of poker ability, and about how facing short term bad luck at the tables--brutal, crushing, relentless bad luck--can be a surprisingly profound test of character, not to mention of one's view of the world and his place in it.

Before we begin, shall I treat you to an example of what we've been talking about?

• Two hours ago, I'm up to about 150% of my original 100BB buy-in, 6-handed. Every one but UTG limps around to me in the BB, I check my Ts3s powerhouse.
  
• Flop comes a lovely 9h-3h-3d, SB checks. Normally I'd go ahead and bet out here, but given my position and the increased likelihood of holding a 3 in the BB in a limped pot, plus the presence of a lot of players behind me, I opt for the check. The button puts out a little 1/3 pot bet, which I promptly raise 3.5x. Folds around to him, he calls. He's got me covered. At this point I'm putting him on a heart draw, and I'm not willing to play a big pot if the heart comes.
  
• The turn: Th. Gorgeous. I go ahead and bet half the pot, like I'm scared of the flush but not wanting to check and be bluffed off two pair or trips. Villain tanks for a bit before calling; now I'm like 80% sure he's got the flush, maybe the nut flush, and is Hollywooding like he's worried about me having the flush or an overflush. That's perfect for me.
• The river comes 8h. Great. Now I'm hoping that he was holding a lone A or K of hearts. I put out another scared 1/2-pot bet. He thinks for about ten seconds before shoving, putting me in for the rest of my chips, about 2x the pot. Now he could have 99, in which case, more power to him, he gets my stack, and "nh" to you, sir. But I'm now 100% that he has the flush, about 95% it's the nut flush. Anyway, of course it's a trivial snap call for me.
• Well--*rueful laugh*--at least I allowed that 5% uncertainty about which flush he had. It was a flush, but not the the nut flush. He tables 7h6h for the (idiot end--the donkey!) of the straight flush. Lord, to have been able to flip over QhJh. Instead, there I was, felted for a full buy-in-plus, for probably the 15th time in as many days (oh yeah, it's been bad).
  
• Yup, that's a one-outer, in case you didn't notice. I can't even console myself with the thought that his straight flush draw was open-ended. God, this game can be brutal. I think I played the hand very well, and the slowplay was justified. I think a shove on the turn there is bad 100% of the time. Even a min-raise is probably a mistake. You can't worry about straight flushes. Oh well. Just last week I had the nut flush with the Ace in my hand, no pairs on board, and that time the villain turned over the straight flush to the King. Stacked again? Obviously.

So. Let's get it all out there--I've just lost the last 150 dollars of my nominal poker bankroll. It was never that much money, but at its high point it was about 96% won money--which, as we all know, is far sweeter than earned money--though of course, I feel like I earned just about every cent of it, through careful, creative play. But the past few weeks have been disastrous. (If I were a professional playing NL hold 'em, I probably would have been a bit under-rolled. But as a recreational player, bankroll talk is always a bit of pretending, because poker is not your only source of income, and your "bankroll" does not, let's hope, represent your entire investable assets. It's just the money you've set aside to gamble with.)

In any case, I still burned through many a buy-in in my long slide to broke. It will take some time to process and analyze my downfall--maybe I'll do some of that here--but first I thought I'd write in general terms about losing, what it means and what it's like. See you in Part Two.